New plan with bad beginnings

Not a very good start to the “New Plan.” This morning, despite going to sleep no earlier than 7:30 p.m. the night before, I woke up at not even 3 a.m. Then I proceeded to go online and somehow ended up looking at profiles of people in my facebook “network”–mostly people I know of or have met but don’t truly know. That got me feeling depressed because the majority of them were overseas and/or doing other things I wish I could be doing right now. I’m not exactly old in the spectrum of things, but in terms of college and what I should have already achieved right now, I’m probably 5 years older than most of my colleagues on average. So even if I do get to eventually do some of the things they’re doing, I might not fit in. Anyway, bad beginnings. Let’s hope it doesn’t continue this way and that I keep up with the plan.

Of course, maybe elaborating on the plan would be appropriate. I intend to start getting up at the same time every day, starting today, for the sake of regularity and learning to better manage my schedule. I’m going to go back on my diet–I haven’t decided exactly what calorie range I’m going to go for this time, but it’s definitely nothing over 1500. Last time I went for 1000, maybe this time I’ll go for 1200 or something. I’m not sure if I’ll allow myself the “one day a week” pass like I did last time, though. But last time I went on the diet I didn’t even use it maybe more than once. Other things that I am not strictly focusing on but I intend to include are: despite having absolutely no life, put more effort into my appearance on a regular basis; study my languages regularly and possibly other subjects; exercise with the Wii or elliptical and go outside every once in a while; stop procrastinating about buying supplements or other necessities for whatever issues I have and start taking them. Etc. I also need to start practicing driving again… My partner in crime, as we collaborated on his plan, also intends to read himself to sleep, which might be a good idea. I wish I could have confidence about myself with this. It just seems like I fail everything these days–I’m not sure I have a lot of hope for certain change, but if I don’t change, what chances do I have for eventual success? These things seem inconsequential compared to what I would otherwise be focusing on (like graduating or getting a job), but these are my ongoing problems–I’m a procrastinator who has had no regular, manageable schedule for going on ten years. Maybe I will try to write here more regularly.

On a positive note, maybe three days ago my old roommate said to me in a message online, “Hey. You’re really attractive.” At first I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but apparently he’d been looking at pictures of me. I have serious doubts he’d think that if he could see me lately, but it’s still better than nothing–15 pounds ago? It could be worse. As it is, I rarely ever get compliments anymore. I keep thinking that if I could really get back to my old weight, maybe even just 125 though ideally 115, that I’d be a lot happier. I unsure of whether or not this is delusional, and if I’d realize I was still really unhappy even after getting thin. Hopefully I may find out.

Advertisement